New Earth City entry for September 2

Sorry for the lack of updates. It's been a strange time. I've going through a lot and I'll try to explain.

To begin, it's selection time again. We're two months from the day in which one of the five Pillars of the Earth Ring are chosen. This is somewhat historic time for the entire system since each pillar is replaced once every five years. But there's just one selection per year. The four Pillars each oversee one quadrant each with the fifth administering the other four Pillars. School texts talk inform us that the Fifth Pillar is just an overseer who helps the other four make their decisions. However, the Fifth Pillar is always made to seem the most important in the feeds.

I think it's something in our heads--we need to feel ruled over, I think. Like the kings back on Earth.

Not that anything good came from the kings. Still, it is nice to have a leader we can look up to. I think all of the Pillars want what's best for us. Sometimes, some people think they're wrong anyway.

So, that's where we are now--I'm still out of work, so I've been looking at all of the action wondering how I can fit in. Or at least I was.

A few weeks ago I got something on my smartBox. It was a message from someone I knew when I last lived in this quad--some one I was tempted for a time to spend my life with. But I was young and we both grew apart after we went off to university. Not that we moved to different quads, though we might as well have. There seemed a solar system between us during those years. Later, after I moved to the West Quad, there was obviously even more distance.

She was the last person I expected to hear from, but when I woke that morning three weeks ago, I tapped my smartBox to life and it shifted into her face. It was still beautiful--not precisely as I remembered it, but close enough so that I could still see the spark that I had fallen for. That spark that so few other women have--something I was lucky to find with my Ande.

And there she was, talking to me again. Her face looked a little tired--funny she didn't correct her avatar in the system for that. Her voice hadn't changed at all.

"I know it must be strange hearing from me after all these years," the avatar said.

I could feel my right eyebrow rise, involuntarily, with suspicion as the avatar continued.

"But I had heard that you were one of the group arrested the other day and I'm a defender, so I thought I might see if you needed any legal help. Things are quite slow for me these days."

How had she heard? She couldn't have read this blog--it's one of millions. I'm not even only Jim Conant with a blog. Ande was too upset to talk about my arrest with anyone. This was very puzzling.

Not only that, but it brought up some strange feelings. Feelings that once came very close to getting us both in trouble. They made me feel... happy, actually. With all of the uncertainty in our move to NEC and finding a job as a journalist, I hadn't felt legitimately happy in some time.

There were moments with Ande that were happy, I suppose, but hearing from Emi again--this was different. I don't think I'd describe this as just happy--I think maybe "joy" would fit? Not to sound old fashioned, but yeah, "joy" describes it.

Long after we stopped dating we stayed friends. Best friends, I'd say now, though I wouldn't have back then. I was suddenly remembering everything I shared with her.

I went on my first space walk with her. It wasn't her first, but... I had entirely forgotten about that. Heh...

As I grew interested in rebooting our friendship, I was still supposed to be paying attention to the selection process--the people going for the Fifth Pillar. That's certainly what I told my wife, anyway.

The thing is, those damn smartBoxes are so good at feeding distractions. After a few days of exchanging short messages back and forth, I got a little curious and did the same thing to her that she did to me and looked her up. It turns out she runs a small defender office just outside NEC, not far from where we grew up. I looked up the security feeds from that sector of the NEC subs and found her house. Then found her loc in the feednet, not that I needed it since she had messaged me. Still, there it was. I could even see the garden pod and their... park. It was a two vehicle park--only one was there when I looked, but two. In her next message, she explained:

"I'm married, what do you think? I spend all this time single and wishing for you?"

I smiled and shrugged, my eyebrow rising again.

"We've got two boys." She giggled suddenly. "Can you imagine it? Me surrounded by three men all the time."

"I don't know how they manage," I said, under my breath, remembering her energy.

"It's the kids that wear me out. But regarding your request of a coffee date, I think that would be fine."

I smiled and my heart skipped a little as I kept listening.

"I'm not sure when I'll be in the city next, but I'm usually in once every month or so."

I messaged her back explaining how much I looked forward to seeing her in the flesh and not in the morphic the smartBox was made of.

Then, the same day one of the main runners for Fifth Pillar announced their choice for co-minister, my smartBox shifted into Emi's face once again.

"I can't message you for a while. I'm sorry--I want to, but I can't right now."

My heart could have stopped beating for all I was aware. Her words hung in my head like they were being spoken over and over. I played the message again and paused it, just so I could try to get something from her avatar's expression. Her dark skin seemed flush--like she was happy. Her brown eyes were bright and wide open despite their usual narrow shape. She had obviously set her avatar mood to "happy" but was she really "happy" to say she couldn't message me?

My heart sank. I messaged her back, setting my avatar to "concerned" but tried to keep things positive.

"No problem," I told her, "just message me when you can."

I sent the message and that has been it.

I got distracted by the selection and it has been a long time since I saw Emi last. I think I've changed a lot since then. It would have been nice to have her tell me just how much I'd changed. But it seems like she's done with me, again.

I suppose we men never give up the torch. So, it stings a little, but I've got a wife, too. Responsibilities to her and to our future together. As a result, I knew I had to move on. Sure, being friends with Emi would have been great, but surely, I'd survived for nearly two decades without seeing her, why should I suddenly start missing her now?

I'll go into more about the selection in my next entry. I promise to not wait another month.

Oh, and I never did hear from that one job. I'm giving up on it at this point. It wasn't a journalism position, anyway. As for all that stuff with the arrest? I'm not sure what to make of all of that. If I come across any of it again, I'll be sure to post about it, but I tried doing some research on it, but there's nothing in the feeds about it and the smartBox actually is strangely short on information on the Vidi--short in that there isn't any. So, there's just no story there as far as I can tell.

More soon.

-Jim Conant